People love asking what it’s like to now be a dad. Some are curious because they themselves are dads and want to compare it with their own experience. Others are soon to be dads that want a glimpse into their own future, where others are women that are checking to see if I’m doing my part.
So my answer is - it’s hard but in a different way than you may think. You see, Jodi is a great wife and mother, always taking care of Baby Jessica whenever she needs help during the day and at night. I’m around after work but not really as of late. That leads me into why it’s hard (for me) to be a dad.
I love to work and I love having a million projects. Each project gives me an excitement that at times completely overwhelms me but after a quick rest I get right back into. I’m able to take on quite a bit for just one person and keep things organized.
Along with taking on new projects, I am an information hoer. I have an amazing interest in not only learning more about what I do for a living but what everyone else does. I’m extremely interesting in organizing information and noticing patterns. Those root interests have lead me into the field I am in today.
If you haven’t picked up why being a dad is hard for me yet - let me be embarrassingly open. I work and read to much. I consume myself with things and information that takes priority over my now new family.
I don’t do this on purpose, it happens so naturally and quick that before I realize it, I’m late to come home or I’ve worked all night (at home) catching up for the coming day. It’s a pattern of my life before a family and I haven’t completely figured out how to change it.
So, for me, being a dad has been hard because I’m so used to working all the time. Of course I’m trying to make a change but these things do take time.
If you have ever found yourself in this boat, I’m curious what you did or are trying to do.
posted on March 5, 2005 | 9:07 AM EST
Add to the discussion.
A man wears many hats…as a woman does. You’ve tried on many new ones lately, a new wife, a new home, a new job, and fatherhood. When the daddy hat begins to fit you more comfortably, it’ll soon look like your dad’s old cowboy hat, worn and loved. And then it will fit you just fine…it’s still a little crispy new, and maybe a little big, draping over one eye a tad too much, so your vision may be askew. Remember how you used to bend and bend and bend your baseball caps into shape, and then they’d be inseparable from your head?? Well, it’ll happen…this daddy hat is slowly being molded to your heart…and there is NOTHING wrong with wearing many hats…it is what makes you unique. You’ll grow into them, of this I am confident.
I have a daughter, almost 2 and I also love reading and working out problems in my mind. I’d rather read a tech book than watch a movie most nights. I used to stay at work longer. After many apologies and lots of feeling down about not being consistant in my family support, I’ve resorted to getting up earlier to get busy work done, the stuff I can churn out and needs to get done, like writing code, filling out forms, completing reports etc. This leaves time later in the day to turn things over in my mind or do fun stuff like graphics. I go home on time most afternoons, spend quality time with my family, then after the baby goes to bed I often read a bit more. I find it difficult to let go of work some days and my wife knows when I’m there, but not really there. This can also be a problem at some family and social gatherings too. Some people get it and are more understanding than others. I think you will appreciate and understand many of the perspectives in The Programmers Stone (http://www.reciprocality.org/Reciprocality/r0/). Chapters 1 and 2 are very good and chapter 6 (http://www.reciprocality.org/Reciprocality/r0/Day6.html) has some tips in dealing with situations similar to your experience. It’s going to be more difficult when Jessica is older because she’ll want to interact more and demand attention. Occasionaly you might be able to keep a third eye out while you read or think through something, but I would not count on it. Fatherhood is well worth it though and you won’t regret the momments you spend with your family. Congratualations on your new family member and keep up the great work with Geeks and Elevator Up.
Good comments Ben - thanks. I never really thought about getting up earier in order to get a bunch of the grunt work done. This morning I decided to give it a try and before I went into work - I spend a little over an hour at a local coffee shop, hacking away at contracts/proposals.
I’m excited to read “The Programmers Stone” - especially chapter 6.
I don’t keep as busy as you, but I moved a card table into my living room, so that even if I am working, I am still with the family and not a “mole” as my wife used to call me when I worked on my CPU in the basement. As kids get older too, I setup a computer behind me, and my son like playing all the games that Linux KDE provides.
Togetherness in a different way.
Mom Schaap Says:
A man wears many hats…as a woman does. You’ve tried on many new ones lately, a new wife, a new home, a new job, and fatherhood. When the daddy hat begins to fit you more comfortably, it’ll soon look like your dad’s old cowboy hat, worn and loved. And then it will fit you just fine…it’s still a little crispy new, and maybe a little big, draping over one eye a tad too much, so your vision may be askew. Remember how you used to bend and bend and bend your baseball caps into shape, and then they’d be inseparable from your head?? Well, it’ll happen…this daddy hat is slowly being molded to your heart…and there is NOTHING wrong with wearing many hats…it is what makes you unique. You’ll grow into them, of this I am confident.