theParagon

Ghetto Stoves and Stolen Drop-offs

Yesterday we found that our trusty stove had baked her last pizza. After being left on all night, by one of my other roommates, the stove just didn’t have it in her to keep alive any longer. We had absolutely no budget for this but the more pressing issue was - “How are we going to make our Jack’s Pizzas?”.

The only thing we really could do was start talking to people around Holland that might be giving away their stove. This is where I was introduced to the dark side of Holland.

I began the next morning wandering around Holland to different stores that made money by selling such items we had just lost. The first store I went to was a local shop and I was greeted nicely by a young woman that was probably a year or two older than myself. She cheerfully asked if she could help me find anything - to which I began to explain my story.

I explained how I didn’t have much money and if I did I would truly spend it here at this fine store. I explained that I live in a DoubleWide trailer with a couple college buddies and our stove just died. We have no money and need to find a stove, or something comparable, that can make us Jack’s Pizzas.

She seemed to understand and with a subtle look around the store I was motioned to follow her into the back. There I saw lines and lines of stoves that were incredibly market down. These were stoves that they really didn’t want to sell but would if they had people like me.

This cheerful woman understood what I was getting at but wasn’t completely clear on my exact needs. I needed a free stove - once again, I live in a DoubleWide Trailer with some college buddies.

After re-explaining this she went to get a guy out of the back-back. I talked with him for awhile and after a couple attempts of being told that these stoves were good for the money he figured out what I was really looking for.

With the same scan across the building that the young woman had only minutes earlier he said he had an idea. At this point the young woman asked if she should leave for this. I didn’t really want her to leave because I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen. I mean, I was in the back-back of this Holland store that I had never been to before and I was about to make some sort of deal with a man that could easily have passed for a serial killer.

He proceeded to explain the term ghetto stoves and what they had to do with me. Basically he had a guy that would get me a stove within a certain amount of time.

I didn’t know if he was joking or if this was for real until he took out a piece of paper from him pocket and told me to give him my phone number. I decided that it would be ok to offer this type of information and with that - our deal was over. I was to expect a phone call.

There’s more

That was the first brush with the dark side of stove purchasing and my next stop to Lowe’s was going to show me my next.

To make the long story short - I waited for a while until this guy in the stove department finished his high ticket sale. I began to explain my story to this rather large and friendly African American man when he interrupted me halfway through.

“You want a free stove - right?”

He said it so firmly and with a small smile that the only thing I could do was be completely honest and say; “yes, I am”.

This man proceeded to survey the Lowe’s store just as the young lady and creepy looking man had just a half an hour earlier. It’s as if I had just asked someone if they had any drugs for sale.

The guy muffled into the air that he didn’t have anything right now but if I didn’t mind coming back after midnight there might be a stove sitting in the back that I could pick up.

At first I thought that this guy was personally going to drop a stove off the back of a truck but he proceeded to explain further. Often people purchase new stoves at Lowe’s and they need to get ride of their old stoves. They tell their customers to just drop them off in the back and they’ll take care of them in the morning.

“We have no idea if there will be an appliance there in the morning or not.” explained the man. “If there just happens to be someone that picks these items up before us then who’s to find out? You may even get lucky and get a nice stove from a family that’s trying to keep up with the Jones’s and only keeps things for a couple years.”

After a couple more minutes of explaining the do’s and don’ts of how I should go about picking these items up, I thanked the man and left the store.

I tell my roommate, Dave, the story

I really wasn’t sure on what we should do. It sounded like we might be getting some really good deals but it also seemed rather creepy at the same time. Dave suggested that we try going to Sears and trying to see what type of deal we could get over there.

After a quick lunch at Quizno’s to discuss everything we headed on over. There we were greeted by an older lady, probably in her mid 50’s, and we began our story. After a couple minutes through she smiled and told us to follow her.

She was a sweet old lady - The same sweet lady that reminded you of your very own grandma. She began to explain that she knew what it was like to not have any money and whereas she didn’t have anything for free, she did have this stove for $100.00 that was origionally marked much higher.

She said it was her best price and probably the best deal for us. Dave and I both looked at each other and realized it was a much better feeling to get an honest stove. Not one that we may go to jail for in some form or fashion.

We agreed that the $100.00 stove was a good deal and told her, she had a sale. She happily rung us up and had a nice gentleman help us load the stove into our truck.

We ended up having to pay a little more than planned but we felt much better than if we had gone with one of our other options.

So the DoubleWide has a new stove. It’s a pretty stove and it warms up our Jack’s Pizzas nicely. We’re happy and confident we made the right choice.

posted on April 12, 2003 | 11:25 PM EST